Corporeal Epiphany

I've known for a long time that I have body issues. My self-esteem stems from my shape, and the shape that I think I am. I'm one of those guys that girls envy: I'm tall, lean, and I never, ever gain weight. Recently I heard a testimony by a girl who was struggling with anorexia, and one of the things that she said really hit home: she never saw her body in entirety, only in isolated pieces. I'm the same way.

I have fat days. Seriously. I actually go to bed some days thinking I'm overweight. My BMI is 19. If I lived in the States, only 7% of males my height and age would be lighter than me. And I have fat days.

Recently, though, I came to a second realization about my issues with body image: they're the reason I have pursued tattooing. My personal perceptions have changed dramatically over the past few days with the completion of my large fire bird tattoo, and I'm starting to feel alright in my own skin again.

Maybe it's the constant desire to show the ink off, or the fact that I love the image permanently etched into my body, but things have changed for the better. I'm just hoping that my feelings will remain this way.

Now, don't get me wrong, I still endeavour to change a lot about myself. I'll probably never actually be at a weight I'm comfortable with, or be the size I want to be. It's funny sometimes how I have the same trouble as a lot of the girls I know, but in reverse.

Anyways, my plan is to be done with tattooing now. With about six and a half total hours of work on me I'm feeling satisfied. Maybe I'll end up hitting the gym more this year. Maybe. I'm a lazy fool, so we'll see what I look like come December.


all photos by vcateyesv